I mentioned my dismay concerning the dating world to my family....big mistake. It seems everyone has advice to give but keep in mind these family members have not dated since the 50's or the 90's, so therefore they have very little idea concerning the current dating reality. I will go so far as to state that if any of the couples you know have been in a committed relationship, whether that be living together or have been married for ten years or longer; they cannot help you. They cannot give singles any advice, no advice whatsoever, nada, niente, non merci, nothing....In effect, their dating reality was pre-internet or pre-text era. Back then a shy guy would slowly approach a woman, not write sexually-laden texts...words he could never say face-to-face.
So, we were having our Sunday family dinner and the discussion over dating suddenly came up. I admitted that I was new to this game...to which my brother-in-law chimed in that he would help me. He advised me that maybe the problem was me. Erika, we love you BUT maybe you talk too much during a date, maybe you blabber on too much...I would advise you on your next date that you talk alot less, in fact make the man feel like a king. Trust me, these good old-fashioned values still exist....make him feel like KING, like royalty and the date will be a success. Hey I thought it was worth a try...maybe I do talk too much, maybe I should make a man feel like a real man...whatever that is....
Date 3: Can I hypnotize you into calling me?
I agreed to another blind date...what can I tell you I am an optimist and did I mention my eggs are drying? This time it was set up by my other cousin named Mary whom is a hair-dresser. She knows many a lady client that has a son, a nephew or a friend's son that is looking for a "nice" girl. Didn't I previously mention I detest the word 'nice' to describe a person whom is single? It seems hair-dressers or hair-stylists as they are currently called in 2011, have the scoop on everyone's private life. In fact, hair-dressers, hair-stylists and estiticians (a.k.a women who wax our crotch) are used by many people as psychologists as well, kind of like a two for one deal! I guess we women feel quite vulnerable while other women are styling or painfully removing our hair. My advice to you single gals is that you befriend these women for they are always ready to help single women find love.
This time I met him on a Sunday afternoon, not on an evening, and I was driving to meet up with him so that if I could not stand it any longer I could leave when I wanted. I felt I was getting wiser concerning this new dating game. I still called my friend Catherine to notify her of my whereabouts: "Cat, I have another blind date, ya I know, I have my own car, check, yes, it is day, check....so if I am bored I will go to the toilette and text message you, then when I go back to sit with him, call me and act like it is an emergency, something like your house is on fire and I need to come and help....got it?...Great!" I started to use my friend as a back up plan to my dates, she would bail me out of my worst experiences.
As I entered the cafe, I felt he was nowhere to be found. I was told he was around 5'10" in height and had dark hair...sounded good to me. I faintly heard someone call my name: Erika, I am here. As I turned around I was greeted by a man who was my height, in fact a tad shorter than I...namely he must have been around 5'4". The fact that he was short did not really bother me, what bothers me is when men lie about their height. This happens alot on the internet sites, whereby men lie about their height while women tend to fib about their weight and post out-dated pics of themselves...ladies and gentlemen if you lie from the get-go, how do you expect anyone to trust you after that?
We sat down and I remembered what my brother-in-law had advised me: "Let him feel like a king"....okay Erika, let him feel important...so I barely spoke. Mr. King went on and on about how he was an electrician and proceeded to convince me that electricians are more important than doctors in our society and that their job is much more dangerous than a fire-fighter's could ever be. He proceeded by telling me just how dangerous things could get. Did you know that more electricians die per year on the job than any fire-fighter? "Wow", I answered, "I did not know that fact...electricians must be considered like modern-day heros!" (can you sense the sarcasm here used by yours truly?) Oh ya, Mr. King had just become Mr. Hero...oh brother...
This part of the evening was not the worst part of our conversation, oh no. He proceeded to tell me that he was one of the few men left whom was completely honest with the women he dates. For instance, he would never tell a woman he would call her if he indeed would not. I must admit I simply loved that part of our conversation. Many men use that line all the time at the end of a date with no intention whatsoever of calling you. So, ladies, "I'll call you", in menspeak really means one or more of the following: good-bye, you are not my type, catch-ya-later, I need to call my friend with benefits. Ah yes, Miss Friend with Benefits, the other 21st dating invention....we shall tackle this biggy on another blog space...
However, Mr. Your Highness told me he would be as precise as possible about when he would call the women. It was his mannerisms while he was speaking that totally took the cake. "I always look at the woman, you know into her eyes and tell her, YOU I will call YOU in two days!", as he spoke he proceeded by gesturing just how he did this. He simply looks into the woman's eyes and points his finger to her face and proceeds by turning his pointed finger round-and-round in a hypnotic manner. "I do this all the time and it works...YOU I will call YOU in 7 days, you in 5 days...(please picture his finger going round and round close to my face while he is looking into my eyes...) as he was explaining his hypnosis tactic.
Honestly, it took every fiber of my being not to laugh in his face...in fact I just bit my lip the whole time cause I thought this guy belonged somewhere in a crazy house. Okay Mr. Crackers let us play the game, your hypnotic game. I asked the King, a.k.a. Hero, a.k.a. Hypnotist, a.k.a. Whacko-job: "So, if I dare ask, will you ever call me?". He proceeded by hypnotizing me with his circular finger motion 'thing-a-ma-jig' and stated: "YOU, I will call YOU in 4 days!" At that point, I was ready to go to the toilette...it was time to go.
As I sat back down to face Mr. Hypnotic....well what do you know....I got an emergency phone call from Catherine. While she made sure she was screaming her lungs at the other end, i made sure he overheard the conversation. It went something like this: "Erika, I need you, my dog Rocky has gone missing, I need your help..." As I bid my date good-night he reassured me I would get that call in 4 days...
Let us go 4 days into the future...now do you suppose Ms. Erika got the call? Why yes, she did...but did she answer the call? No, of course not. Did Mr. King-Hypnotic ever bother asking me if I wanted to be called in 4 days? The answer is NO....I arrest my case, the QUEEN has spoken!
No comments:
Post a Comment