Drum Roll Please.........
Part Two of Date No. 4: Of course I did not partake in a threesome people...what is wrong with all of you...now let us continue on with more of my weird dating stories or shall we call them, "Singledom Experience Stories"?
Onto Date No. 5....
Nina Ricci was on the phone...not the fashion designer... but my beautiful cousin whom does possess much class nonetheless. Nina was planning a luncheon reunion ...seems that we live in such a small world, doesn't it? You must be wondering...just how small? Well, it seemed she was the nanny of a beautiful boy whom happened to be the son of a woman I graduated from college with? Did you get the link? I hope so.
So, it was a beautiful saturday morning and I, along with Laura were invited over. Laura spoke about her life...and what a life it was. She had married a cardiologist (a.k.a. a doctor, a.k.a. mucho money) straight out from college and now she had had two wonderful children, a cleaning lady and a mansion. While she spoke about her fairytale life I proceeded to tell mine...it went something like this...."Well, I am a writer whom got married to an a--hole and now is divorced for the little scoundrel cheated on me". I kept it as clean as possible! No resentments here...not one!!!
Keep in mind...my divorce was fresh...back then if I would have seen my ex on the street I would have nicely punched him in the genital area while the other hand would have gouged his eyes out! No resentment here...Isn't it awful to read this...what I am writing is not politically correct but that is, in essence, how I felt at the time...I know today everybody claims to be 'friends' after they divorce but when the divorce is fresh all you want to do is plot a revenge...like calling the mob to break his two front teeth or dreaming of a hitman breaking his legs...oh well, one can dream...but I digress....
Seems Laura had hatched a little plan for me to meet her husband's colleague...a doctor....he was the Intensivist of the hospital. I know what you are thinking...'What the hell is an Intensivist?' I really did not care at that point 'cause all I heard was...DOCTOR....wow! There was a hitch, however, her husband could not know about the meeting...he was totally against any blind date setups...she wanted me to go incognito! "Erika, please I really want you to meet him but Simon cannot know about this..." That's right, I had to 'pretend' to be writing a screenplay about doctors, sort of like a 'Grey's Anatomy' for the big screen...and she would set up the interview so that I could meet up with her husband, 'The Cardiologist' and 'The Intensivist' so that they could help me write a realistic 'Hospital Drama Movie'. In other words, she wanted me to lie and act the part of a screenwriter! Oh brother...
I weighed the pros and cons of the situation and I could not for the life of me find one negative thing about it...okay so some lying was involved...let us call it 'bending the truth' for this particular case. Hey peeps (I know it sounds like a rap song...), do not judge me so easily...when you are single it is very difficult to find some quality people to meet! Visions of Dr. McDreamy or Dr. McSteamy... naked in my shower.... kept creeping in my mind...but I digress...
I decided that...Erika was up for the challenge, it was time to meet a doctor...giddy up!
The interview was set up, I simply had to go to the hospital at a specific day and time...man did I look the part...I did not want to look too 'artsy-fartsy' but I could not look like the business woman either hence I found a way to look professional enough in a mismatched suit but then I tossed a 'foulard' over my jacket...that's right...a colorful scarf is very artsy...just look at all the directors on the red carpets during the international film festivals...Robert Redford wears one quite often!
There I was in front of the hospital shaking because I felt like a fraud...however, I also knew that it was my time to play...time to play Nurse Erika! Was I ready? You bet your stethoscope I was! Tape recorder...check! Laptop computer...check! Questions I need to ask....check! A little bit of cleavage (not the skanky type..translation Pamela Anderson no-class look but the soft, innocent, classy Jennifer Garner type)....check! Yup, I was armed and dangerous and ready to meet...tatatata...THE DOCTOR...
There I was...waiting for them in their office...feeling quite intimidated. They both walked in and greeted me with warm smiles. Geez Louise, it was at that very moment that I was feeling quite guilty...I was thinking such thoughts as: "They could be saving a life instead of helping little old me and my love life!" and that thought flew totally out the window when I finally met....THE INTENSIVIST.....oh ya baby...he was cute! Former thoughts of guilt were instantly replaced by other positive, more meaningful thoughts such as...planning my wedding...and what names were we going to name our children? Gentlemen, we women like planning ahead...
There I was interviewing them feeling surreal about the whole experience...and in a hitch it was over! Back at the ranch...I mean my place...Erika got the call she was waiting for. Laura called telling me that the doctor was pleased with what he saw and inquired about me. "Do tell Laura, what did the Intensivist think about Erika, inquiring minds want to know?" Laura stated that he found her cute and that he would become friends with her on Facebook and then proceed to communicate from there! Great plan, only this was about four years ago and I proceeded to ask the question: "What the heck is a Facebook?"
I created my Facebook account and we started communicating from there...we got to the point that we were going to get together over dinner and a movie....BUT....did I ever mention to you that my life is anything but easy....all of a sudden he had totally stopped communicating with me, by mail, by Facebook, by phone...it was like he had totally disappeared from this planet we call earth. I did recieve the call from Laura explaining to me what had happened to the lovely doctor...it seemed he.....
STAY TUNED for another episode of: The Intensivist...
By the way, I never did mention what type of doctor an Intensivist actually is...all you have to do is Google it and you'll see for yourself...
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Date No. 4 - Mr. Menage-a-Trois
"You'll find LOVE when you least expect it"!, My other favorite...
"If it is within your DESTINY it will happen".
Wow, thanks for the advice, spoken by all the 'Love Einsteins' of this world!
Don't you just love these words of wisdom...in effect, spoken by many and lived by very few. Pretty difficult advice to follow if you are a type A personality whom makes things happen as opposed to watching things happen. Isn't that what our society teaches us...be the leader of your life not the spectator...Just how is a single woman in her 30's supposed to believe in this crappy advice? She is so busy with her career during the day, and goes home at night. Yes, we do hit the gym, see family, go out with friends but life does change as you age...you are more in than out...gentlemen get your mind out outta' the gutter!
This blog is more of an experience as opposed to a date, however, I felt the need to add it to my roster of dates for it was quite a bizarre experience nonetheless. At this point six months of dating had passed and quite frankly I was exhausted by it...I had treated it like a part-time job...time for a time-out. That's right, it was time for a little vacay...a vacation from my single life!
Like any good Canadian or snow bird, my friends and I got the itch to go down south for one week to get away from the North Pole...bye bye Santa...hello Juan Valdez! We took off for sunny Punta Cana in the Domenican Republic...four single women looking for warmth and sun...
Date 4: Would you like to experience a threesome?
There we were in sunny Punta Cana for one week...we had just landed when we decided to change into our bathing suits and head for the pool...or should I come clean right now...more like the pool bar. There we were at the pool bar...yes we were definitely drinking and somewhat flirting...it is here that I met this wonderful gentleman from Ottawa...a city not too far from home...things were looking up...giddy-up!
We had numerous conversations about so many different topics...while he was speaking I scanned his finger to see if there was any indication of a significant other in his life; no wedding ring, check, no mention of the wifey or girlfriend, check...We had a great time and I have to admit there were some light flirtations going back and forth....and we left it at that.
Here we were, four women on vacay...but Catherine (aka cell phone life-saver) and I had our own personal Punta Cana routine going. We would wake up fairly early and head to the beach, all morning long, we would soak up the sun and drench our skin in wonderful salt water. In the afternoon we would definitely hit the pools. We were staying at a five star all-inclusive hotel, the food was incredible and the pools with their unique themes were amazing!
I would meet Mr. Ottawa at the pool bar every afternoon, this happened for 4 days straight in total before he hit me with his bombshell. At this point, I thought he was such a nice guy....remember the word 'nice' and how it often spells the kiss-of-death...well here we go again...oh brother...
We were into one of our intimate conversations when he came out with this question: "Erika, I am very attracted to you...do you feel the same toward me?" I answered as honestly as I could: "Yes..." That was all I could muster at that moment because attraction is usually something one feels but is not a subject that is asked about face-to-face at point blank range. And he proceeded with, "The reason I am asking is because....well do you see that woman there by the kiddie pool with her son, the one with the purple bikini...?" I answered, "Yes, I see her"....
Mr. Ottawa continued on, "Well...she is my wife and...she agrees with me in asking you this question...would you participate in a threesome with us...?" At this very moment, Erika choked on her drink and nearly vomitted all of her drinks and...lunch was on its way out as well... What do you suppose I answered at this point? 'Cause his wifey was all of sudden next to me, rubbing my shoulder....
Stay tuned for the answer on her next blog date where she will reveal all the gory details...moohahaha....(sounds like a horror movie, doesn't it? Being single can be a horror movie....but I digress...
"And I am outta here"....remember when Dennis Miller used to state these words on SNL during the 80's?
"If it is within your DESTINY it will happen".
Wow, thanks for the advice, spoken by all the 'Love Einsteins' of this world!
Don't you just love these words of wisdom...in effect, spoken by many and lived by very few. Pretty difficult advice to follow if you are a type A personality whom makes things happen as opposed to watching things happen. Isn't that what our society teaches us...be the leader of your life not the spectator...Just how is a single woman in her 30's supposed to believe in this crappy advice? She is so busy with her career during the day, and goes home at night. Yes, we do hit the gym, see family, go out with friends but life does change as you age...you are more in than out...gentlemen get your mind out outta' the gutter!
This blog is more of an experience as opposed to a date, however, I felt the need to add it to my roster of dates for it was quite a bizarre experience nonetheless. At this point six months of dating had passed and quite frankly I was exhausted by it...I had treated it like a part-time job...time for a time-out. That's right, it was time for a little vacay...a vacation from my single life!
Like any good Canadian or snow bird, my friends and I got the itch to go down south for one week to get away from the North Pole...bye bye Santa...hello Juan Valdez! We took off for sunny Punta Cana in the Domenican Republic...four single women looking for warmth and sun...
Date 4: Would you like to experience a threesome?
There we were in sunny Punta Cana for one week...we had just landed when we decided to change into our bathing suits and head for the pool...or should I come clean right now...more like the pool bar. There we were at the pool bar...yes we were definitely drinking and somewhat flirting...it is here that I met this wonderful gentleman from Ottawa...a city not too far from home...things were looking up...giddy-up!
We had numerous conversations about so many different topics...while he was speaking I scanned his finger to see if there was any indication of a significant other in his life; no wedding ring, check, no mention of the wifey or girlfriend, check...We had a great time and I have to admit there were some light flirtations going back and forth....and we left it at that.
Here we were, four women on vacay...but Catherine (aka cell phone life-saver) and I had our own personal Punta Cana routine going. We would wake up fairly early and head to the beach, all morning long, we would soak up the sun and drench our skin in wonderful salt water. In the afternoon we would definitely hit the pools. We were staying at a five star all-inclusive hotel, the food was incredible and the pools with their unique themes were amazing!
I would meet Mr. Ottawa at the pool bar every afternoon, this happened for 4 days straight in total before he hit me with his bombshell. At this point, I thought he was such a nice guy....remember the word 'nice' and how it often spells the kiss-of-death...well here we go again...oh brother...
We were into one of our intimate conversations when he came out with this question: "Erika, I am very attracted to you...do you feel the same toward me?" I answered as honestly as I could: "Yes..." That was all I could muster at that moment because attraction is usually something one feels but is not a subject that is asked about face-to-face at point blank range. And he proceeded with, "The reason I am asking is because....well do you see that woman there by the kiddie pool with her son, the one with the purple bikini...?" I answered, "Yes, I see her"....
Mr. Ottawa continued on, "Well...she is my wife and...she agrees with me in asking you this question...would you participate in a threesome with us...?" At this very moment, Erika choked on her drink and nearly vomitted all of her drinks and...lunch was on its way out as well... What do you suppose I answered at this point? 'Cause his wifey was all of sudden next to me, rubbing my shoulder....
Stay tuned for the answer on her next blog date where she will reveal all the gory details...moohahaha....(sounds like a horror movie, doesn't it? Being single can be a horror movie....but I digress...
"And I am outta here"....remember when Dennis Miller used to state these words on SNL during the 80's?
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Date No. 3 - Mr. Your Highness-Hypnotic
I mentioned my dismay concerning the dating world to my family....big mistake. It seems everyone has advice to give but keep in mind these family members have not dated since the 50's or the 90's, so therefore they have very little idea concerning the current dating reality. I will go so far as to state that if any of the couples you know have been in a committed relationship, whether that be living together or have been married for ten years or longer; they cannot help you. They cannot give singles any advice, no advice whatsoever, nada, niente, non merci, nothing....In effect, their dating reality was pre-internet or pre-text era. Back then a shy guy would slowly approach a woman, not write sexually-laden texts...words he could never say face-to-face.
So, we were having our Sunday family dinner and the discussion over dating suddenly came up. I admitted that I was new to this game...to which my brother-in-law chimed in that he would help me. He advised me that maybe the problem was me. Erika, we love you BUT maybe you talk too much during a date, maybe you blabber on too much...I would advise you on your next date that you talk alot less, in fact make the man feel like a king. Trust me, these good old-fashioned values still exist....make him feel like KING, like royalty and the date will be a success. Hey I thought it was worth a try...maybe I do talk too much, maybe I should make a man feel like a real man...whatever that is....
Date 3: Can I hypnotize you into calling me?
I agreed to another blind date...what can I tell you I am an optimist and did I mention my eggs are drying? This time it was set up by my other cousin named Mary whom is a hair-dresser. She knows many a lady client that has a son, a nephew or a friend's son that is looking for a "nice" girl. Didn't I previously mention I detest the word 'nice' to describe a person whom is single? It seems hair-dressers or hair-stylists as they are currently called in 2011, have the scoop on everyone's private life. In fact, hair-dressers, hair-stylists and estiticians (a.k.a women who wax our crotch) are used by many people as psychologists as well, kind of like a two for one deal! I guess we women feel quite vulnerable while other women are styling or painfully removing our hair. My advice to you single gals is that you befriend these women for they are always ready to help single women find love.
This time I met him on a Sunday afternoon, not on an evening, and I was driving to meet up with him so that if I could not stand it any longer I could leave when I wanted. I felt I was getting wiser concerning this new dating game. I still called my friend Catherine to notify her of my whereabouts: "Cat, I have another blind date, ya I know, I have my own car, check, yes, it is day, check....so if I am bored I will go to the toilette and text message you, then when I go back to sit with him, call me and act like it is an emergency, something like your house is on fire and I need to come and help....got it?...Great!" I started to use my friend as a back up plan to my dates, she would bail me out of my worst experiences.
As I entered the cafe, I felt he was nowhere to be found. I was told he was around 5'10" in height and had dark hair...sounded good to me. I faintly heard someone call my name: Erika, I am here. As I turned around I was greeted by a man who was my height, in fact a tad shorter than I...namely he must have been around 5'4". The fact that he was short did not really bother me, what bothers me is when men lie about their height. This happens alot on the internet sites, whereby men lie about their height while women tend to fib about their weight and post out-dated pics of themselves...ladies and gentlemen if you lie from the get-go, how do you expect anyone to trust you after that?
We sat down and I remembered what my brother-in-law had advised me: "Let him feel like a king"....okay Erika, let him feel important...so I barely spoke. Mr. King went on and on about how he was an electrician and proceeded to convince me that electricians are more important than doctors in our society and that their job is much more dangerous than a fire-fighter's could ever be. He proceeded by telling me just how dangerous things could get. Did you know that more electricians die per year on the job than any fire-fighter? "Wow", I answered, "I did not know that fact...electricians must be considered like modern-day heros!" (can you sense the sarcasm here used by yours truly?) Oh ya, Mr. King had just become Mr. Hero...oh brother...
This part of the evening was not the worst part of our conversation, oh no. He proceeded to tell me that he was one of the few men left whom was completely honest with the women he dates. For instance, he would never tell a woman he would call her if he indeed would not. I must admit I simply loved that part of our conversation. Many men use that line all the time at the end of a date with no intention whatsoever of calling you. So, ladies, "I'll call you", in menspeak really means one or more of the following: good-bye, you are not my type, catch-ya-later, I need to call my friend with benefits. Ah yes, Miss Friend with Benefits, the other 21st dating invention....we shall tackle this biggy on another blog space...
However, Mr. Your Highness told me he would be as precise as possible about when he would call the women. It was his mannerisms while he was speaking that totally took the cake. "I always look at the woman, you know into her eyes and tell her, YOU I will call YOU in two days!", as he spoke he proceeded by gesturing just how he did this. He simply looks into the woman's eyes and points his finger to her face and proceeds by turning his pointed finger round-and-round in a hypnotic manner. "I do this all the time and it works...YOU I will call YOU in 7 days, you in 5 days...(please picture his finger going round and round close to my face while he is looking into my eyes...) as he was explaining his hypnosis tactic.
Honestly, it took every fiber of my being not to laugh in his face...in fact I just bit my lip the whole time cause I thought this guy belonged somewhere in a crazy house. Okay Mr. Crackers let us play the game, your hypnotic game. I asked the King, a.k.a. Hero, a.k.a. Hypnotist, a.k.a. Whacko-job: "So, if I dare ask, will you ever call me?". He proceeded by hypnotizing me with his circular finger motion 'thing-a-ma-jig' and stated: "YOU, I will call YOU in 4 days!" At that point, I was ready to go to the toilette...it was time to go.
As I sat back down to face Mr. Hypnotic....well what do you know....I got an emergency phone call from Catherine. While she made sure she was screaming her lungs at the other end, i made sure he overheard the conversation. It went something like this: "Erika, I need you, my dog Rocky has gone missing, I need your help..." As I bid my date good-night he reassured me I would get that call in 4 days...
Let us go 4 days into the future...now do you suppose Ms. Erika got the call? Why yes, she did...but did she answer the call? No, of course not. Did Mr. King-Hypnotic ever bother asking me if I wanted to be called in 4 days? The answer is NO....I arrest my case, the QUEEN has spoken!
So, we were having our Sunday family dinner and the discussion over dating suddenly came up. I admitted that I was new to this game...to which my brother-in-law chimed in that he would help me. He advised me that maybe the problem was me. Erika, we love you BUT maybe you talk too much during a date, maybe you blabber on too much...I would advise you on your next date that you talk alot less, in fact make the man feel like a king. Trust me, these good old-fashioned values still exist....make him feel like KING, like royalty and the date will be a success. Hey I thought it was worth a try...maybe I do talk too much, maybe I should make a man feel like a real man...whatever that is....
Date 3: Can I hypnotize you into calling me?
I agreed to another blind date...what can I tell you I am an optimist and did I mention my eggs are drying? This time it was set up by my other cousin named Mary whom is a hair-dresser. She knows many a lady client that has a son, a nephew or a friend's son that is looking for a "nice" girl. Didn't I previously mention I detest the word 'nice' to describe a person whom is single? It seems hair-dressers or hair-stylists as they are currently called in 2011, have the scoop on everyone's private life. In fact, hair-dressers, hair-stylists and estiticians (a.k.a women who wax our crotch) are used by many people as psychologists as well, kind of like a two for one deal! I guess we women feel quite vulnerable while other women are styling or painfully removing our hair. My advice to you single gals is that you befriend these women for they are always ready to help single women find love.
This time I met him on a Sunday afternoon, not on an evening, and I was driving to meet up with him so that if I could not stand it any longer I could leave when I wanted. I felt I was getting wiser concerning this new dating game. I still called my friend Catherine to notify her of my whereabouts: "Cat, I have another blind date, ya I know, I have my own car, check, yes, it is day, check....so if I am bored I will go to the toilette and text message you, then when I go back to sit with him, call me and act like it is an emergency, something like your house is on fire and I need to come and help....got it?...Great!" I started to use my friend as a back up plan to my dates, she would bail me out of my worst experiences.
As I entered the cafe, I felt he was nowhere to be found. I was told he was around 5'10" in height and had dark hair...sounded good to me. I faintly heard someone call my name: Erika, I am here. As I turned around I was greeted by a man who was my height, in fact a tad shorter than I...namely he must have been around 5'4". The fact that he was short did not really bother me, what bothers me is when men lie about their height. This happens alot on the internet sites, whereby men lie about their height while women tend to fib about their weight and post out-dated pics of themselves...ladies and gentlemen if you lie from the get-go, how do you expect anyone to trust you after that?
We sat down and I remembered what my brother-in-law had advised me: "Let him feel like a king"....okay Erika, let him feel important...so I barely spoke. Mr. King went on and on about how he was an electrician and proceeded to convince me that electricians are more important than doctors in our society and that their job is much more dangerous than a fire-fighter's could ever be. He proceeded by telling me just how dangerous things could get. Did you know that more electricians die per year on the job than any fire-fighter? "Wow", I answered, "I did not know that fact...electricians must be considered like modern-day heros!" (can you sense the sarcasm here used by yours truly?) Oh ya, Mr. King had just become Mr. Hero...oh brother...
This part of the evening was not the worst part of our conversation, oh no. He proceeded to tell me that he was one of the few men left whom was completely honest with the women he dates. For instance, he would never tell a woman he would call her if he indeed would not. I must admit I simply loved that part of our conversation. Many men use that line all the time at the end of a date with no intention whatsoever of calling you. So, ladies, "I'll call you", in menspeak really means one or more of the following: good-bye, you are not my type, catch-ya-later, I need to call my friend with benefits. Ah yes, Miss Friend with Benefits, the other 21st dating invention....we shall tackle this biggy on another blog space...
However, Mr. Your Highness told me he would be as precise as possible about when he would call the women. It was his mannerisms while he was speaking that totally took the cake. "I always look at the woman, you know into her eyes and tell her, YOU I will call YOU in two days!", as he spoke he proceeded by gesturing just how he did this. He simply looks into the woman's eyes and points his finger to her face and proceeds by turning his pointed finger round-and-round in a hypnotic manner. "I do this all the time and it works...YOU I will call YOU in 7 days, you in 5 days...(please picture his finger going round and round close to my face while he is looking into my eyes...) as he was explaining his hypnosis tactic.
Honestly, it took every fiber of my being not to laugh in his face...in fact I just bit my lip the whole time cause I thought this guy belonged somewhere in a crazy house. Okay Mr. Crackers let us play the game, your hypnotic game. I asked the King, a.k.a. Hero, a.k.a. Hypnotist, a.k.a. Whacko-job: "So, if I dare ask, will you ever call me?". He proceeded by hypnotizing me with his circular finger motion 'thing-a-ma-jig' and stated: "YOU, I will call YOU in 4 days!" At that point, I was ready to go to the toilette...it was time to go.
As I sat back down to face Mr. Hypnotic....well what do you know....I got an emergency phone call from Catherine. While she made sure she was screaming her lungs at the other end, i made sure he overheard the conversation. It went something like this: "Erika, I need you, my dog Rocky has gone missing, I need your help..." As I bid my date good-night he reassured me I would get that call in 4 days...
Let us go 4 days into the future...now do you suppose Ms. Erika got the call? Why yes, she did...but did she answer the call? No, of course not. Did Mr. King-Hypnotic ever bother asking me if I wanted to be called in 4 days? The answer is NO....I arrest my case, the QUEEN has spoken!
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Date No. 2 - Mr. Fall Foliage
I decided to try a blind date which was set up by family members, namely a close cousin. I declined at first, but she insisted and described him as, "NICE". If you are single you know that the word nice is used quite often to describe single people. However, if you are indeed single, the word, "Nice" is often the kiss of death. I have come to the realization that it is used for: boring singles, singles who are forty or older and live with their parents, singles whom are in the closet (not that there is anything wrong with that, just be honest about who you are), singles whom have never left their houses, except to go to their jobs (a.k.a. have NEVER travelled), unkept singles, 40-year old virgins....but I digress....
Date No. 2 : Would you love to see the changing colors of the leaves?
Yes it was autumn, and yes, he wanted to take me up north, to the countryside to see the beautiful colors that our dear Lord had created. Wow, I thought to myself, now here's a man that knows how to be romantic; chivalry is not dead. I admit, I had my misgivings...isn't this too long a date for a blind one? But, I was quite new to the dating game...so it sounded like a great idea...if I sound naive I was...
WAS: (The past tense of the verb To Be), one should focus on the past tense part for this no longer applies)
He came to pick me up and I got in the car next to him....now I know what you're thinking....she's crazy, she barely knows him...and you are right! However, he was friends with my cousin, and prior to the experience I called my good friend Catherine to let her know about my whereabouts, "Cat, if I text message you, SOS, call the cops, he is murdering me!"
Now, where were we, oh yes, I sat next to him and he was okay...like kinda cute. Like, he had all-of-his- teeth kinda' cute. Gentlemen, we women look for potential, sure we want George Clooney and Brad Pitt but we are willing to lower some standards in order to find some maturity...well, most of the time...oh, I will deal with this lethal idea of "potential" that we women possess in another essay; for it is quite a complicated subject.
As we said our hellos, he informed me that we were going to pick up a pie because we were on our way to his cousin's cottage. He assured me that we would stay for 2 minutes tops and then go off to see those beautiful leaves, after all he needed to go give him a housewarming gift since his cousin had just moved into this new summer cottage! All I heard was: FAMILY....Oh my...what to do? Should I run for cover or stay? By then we had already bought the pie and were well on our way to...where exactly?
Now, I thought we were going about an hour north of my city, two hours tops, but it turned out to be THREE and a HALF hours north...I live in Canada so this was so north I freaked out thinking we were going to see where all the moose live! I have never seen a real-life moose in my life! Oh well, being ever the optimist, I figured at the very least we had time to talk. This, however, did not happen because he was...the silent type! So, I did what any self-respecting woman would do, I talked...for an hour straight. Bla, bla, bla....there I was talking....talking and talking some more....must of sounded something like a character from Charlie Brown...wha, wha, wha....
For the remainder of the two hours, we basically listened to music. We mainly listened to Andrea Bocelli and Pavarotti...guess he wanted to show me how cultured he was...oh brother...
As we arrived to the cottage, we were greeted by his cousin, his wife and the kids. I greeted everyone and we entered the cottage, we gave them the pie, visited their new cottage and toasted the event with a glass of wine. I thought I was home-free after that! So, when do we leave? BUT, his cousin insisted we stay for supper since his other cousin was in town....I just gave my date that look...call it the look-of-death, the over-my-dead-body look or I would-rather-get-a-root-canal look. My date completely ignored it and said yes! He said YES! Can you believe it?
So, there I was eating supper with a table full of strangers, about twelve in total. They asked me many personal questions and needless to say I felt a tad uncomfortable. Questions like: "So, how long have you known our cousin"? I was truthful and answered: "Well, believe it or not, this is our first date". My date would just shrug off my answers and add little insides such as: "What she means to say is that everytime we're together it feels fresh like a first date". And he kept doing that ALL NIGHT LONG (yes...picture Lionel Ritchie singing that hit song from the 80's)....to state that I was peeved, frustrated and irritated would be an understatement.
As supper finished, I helped the women do the dishes like I was a part of the family and everyone seemed to think that I WAS his girlfriend. Oh well, I wasn't going to blow the whistle on him, no matter how demented this bozo was; besides at this point I felt like an accomplice. I have a hard time lying but for some reason this time I complied and felt guilty...I felt like I was helping him rob a bank or something...again...oh brother...
We said our good-byes and got into the car and drove off...I was so pissed off that I barely said a word the whole way home...so we listened to more opera on the way back...all THREE hours and HALF long...
As we approached my place, he pulled over his car and started to talk to me...his date...all of sudden I existed...and these are the words that he dared utter: "Well, my family just loved you, aren't they great...boy what a great evening this was" , and with that he leaned over for a kiss. Now do you suppose I kissed him?
Of course not, I simply stopped him. He was stunned and proceeded to ask me what was wrong. I simply answered: " Nothing, I just simply love your concept of a date, meet my family before meeting me, next time you take a girl out get to know her first, ALONE!" I must add that I bid him good-night, after all my parents taught me to always be polite!
That night I realized that I never got to see those darn leaves. No beautiful fall foliage picturesque scenes were stored within my memory. In essence, no colors were present in my mind...oh that is untrue, one color was extremely vivid....raging bull RED!
Date No. 2 : Would you love to see the changing colors of the leaves?
Yes it was autumn, and yes, he wanted to take me up north, to the countryside to see the beautiful colors that our dear Lord had created. Wow, I thought to myself, now here's a man that knows how to be romantic; chivalry is not dead. I admit, I had my misgivings...isn't this too long a date for a blind one? But, I was quite new to the dating game...so it sounded like a great idea...if I sound naive I was...
WAS: (The past tense of the verb To Be), one should focus on the past tense part for this no longer applies)
He came to pick me up and I got in the car next to him....now I know what you're thinking....she's crazy, she barely knows him...and you are right! However, he was friends with my cousin, and prior to the experience I called my good friend Catherine to let her know about my whereabouts, "Cat, if I text message you, SOS, call the cops, he is murdering me!"
Now, where were we, oh yes, I sat next to him and he was okay...like kinda cute. Like, he had all-of-his- teeth kinda' cute. Gentlemen, we women look for potential, sure we want George Clooney and Brad Pitt but we are willing to lower some standards in order to find some maturity...well, most of the time...oh, I will deal with this lethal idea of "potential" that we women possess in another essay; for it is quite a complicated subject.
As we said our hellos, he informed me that we were going to pick up a pie because we were on our way to his cousin's cottage. He assured me that we would stay for 2 minutes tops and then go off to see those beautiful leaves, after all he needed to go give him a housewarming gift since his cousin had just moved into this new summer cottage! All I heard was: FAMILY....Oh my...what to do? Should I run for cover or stay? By then we had already bought the pie and were well on our way to...where exactly?
Now, I thought we were going about an hour north of my city, two hours tops, but it turned out to be THREE and a HALF hours north...I live in Canada so this was so north I freaked out thinking we were going to see where all the moose live! I have never seen a real-life moose in my life! Oh well, being ever the optimist, I figured at the very least we had time to talk. This, however, did not happen because he was...the silent type! So, I did what any self-respecting woman would do, I talked...for an hour straight. Bla, bla, bla....there I was talking....talking and talking some more....must of sounded something like a character from Charlie Brown...wha, wha, wha....
For the remainder of the two hours, we basically listened to music. We mainly listened to Andrea Bocelli and Pavarotti...guess he wanted to show me how cultured he was...oh brother...
As we arrived to the cottage, we were greeted by his cousin, his wife and the kids. I greeted everyone and we entered the cottage, we gave them the pie, visited their new cottage and toasted the event with a glass of wine. I thought I was home-free after that! So, when do we leave? BUT, his cousin insisted we stay for supper since his other cousin was in town....I just gave my date that look...call it the look-of-death, the over-my-dead-body look or I would-rather-get-a-root-canal look. My date completely ignored it and said yes! He said YES! Can you believe it?
So, there I was eating supper with a table full of strangers, about twelve in total. They asked me many personal questions and needless to say I felt a tad uncomfortable. Questions like: "So, how long have you known our cousin"? I was truthful and answered: "Well, believe it or not, this is our first date". My date would just shrug off my answers and add little insides such as: "What she means to say is that everytime we're together it feels fresh like a first date". And he kept doing that ALL NIGHT LONG (yes...picture Lionel Ritchie singing that hit song from the 80's)....to state that I was peeved, frustrated and irritated would be an understatement.
As supper finished, I helped the women do the dishes like I was a part of the family and everyone seemed to think that I WAS his girlfriend. Oh well, I wasn't going to blow the whistle on him, no matter how demented this bozo was; besides at this point I felt like an accomplice. I have a hard time lying but for some reason this time I complied and felt guilty...I felt like I was helping him rob a bank or something...again...oh brother...
We said our good-byes and got into the car and drove off...I was so pissed off that I barely said a word the whole way home...so we listened to more opera on the way back...all THREE hours and HALF long...
As we approached my place, he pulled over his car and started to talk to me...his date...all of sudden I existed...and these are the words that he dared utter: "Well, my family just loved you, aren't they great...boy what a great evening this was" , and with that he leaned over for a kiss. Now do you suppose I kissed him?
Of course not, I simply stopped him. He was stunned and proceeded to ask me what was wrong. I simply answered: " Nothing, I just simply love your concept of a date, meet my family before meeting me, next time you take a girl out get to know her first, ALONE!" I must add that I bid him good-night, after all my parents taught me to always be polite!
That night I realized that I never got to see those darn leaves. No beautiful fall foliage picturesque scenes were stored within my memory. In essence, no colors were present in my mind...oh that is untrue, one color was extremely vivid....raging bull RED!
Monday, January 10, 2011
**Cook & Date goes Hollywood
*Pic by Erika S - HollywoodvsReality
Cristina Mucciardi, founder of Cook and Date
For those of you that are unfamiliar with the new, hip dating scene of the 21st century, let me assure you that there are many, modern and funky ways to meet your future prince or princess. Enter "Cook and Date" as one of those hip options for today's singles. Founder and Miss Entrepreneur, Cristina Mucciardi, believes in her service. She has come up with a simple recipe really; she hires star chefs to teach singles how to cook. While the average single man or woman is adding a dash of salt and a sprinkle of sugar to certain recipes, they are also adding a pinch of flirtation as part of the ingredients.
The idea was born while travelling through Paris on holiday where a chef was giving cooking classes to singles but on a much smaller scale. Cristina, presently a vibrant and self-reliant 32 year-old came back to Montreal and was determined to add her own spin to the idea. No doubt, her own personal experiences, such as growing up in a close-knit Italian family helped throughout the whole process. She was surrounded by good food and a generous helping of family. In her own words, "food is love", and the idea that she could help singles find love and "get happy", tickled her tummy. She feels that the whole internet dating scene is deceptive because some singles are not honest about their looks, their age or their height whereas an activity such as Cook and Date helps since you must come as you are. She plans to expand her scrumptious company abroad. The only concept of its kind in North America, it is presently operating in Montreal and Toronto but is slated to hit New York City this year.
Miss Mucciardi has garnered much praise for her local culinary events; however, her latest was a hit of monumental proportions. Chuck Hughes, celebrity chef from famed culinary show, "Chuck's Day Off" was her latest exploit. Hughes' show can be viewed on Food Network Canada and on the U.S. Cooking Channel. He is a popular chef and owner of Old Montreal's trendy restaurant, Garde Manger. The two young professionals teamed up in order to produce another successful Cook and Date event, which took place late in 2010 at the Viking Centre in TMR. ET Canada and CTV News were on the scene broadcasting that special event as I, Erika from HollywoodvsReality caught up with the nouveau chef for a little Q & A session. And yes ladies, he is as cute and as humble as the image he portrays on t.v.
Q & A:
1. Describe a day in the life of Chuck Hughes.
*I cook and I basically have one day off per week.
2. Why did you switch careers, from advertising to becoming a star chef?
*I disliked working in an office, I would much rather wash dishes than scan through reports.
3. What is your fondest memory connected to food?
*I am just passionate about eating; I am fond of eating...
4. What is your funniest cooking disaster?
*Honestly, every day is a disaster.
5. Chocolate or vanilla?
*Presently it is chocolate but my all time fave right now is apple cobbler.
6. What do you think about Nutella?
*I love it! I recently tried a Nutella pizza in New York which was incredible.
7. Your favorite cheese?
*I would have to say Blue cheese...I was obsessed with Stilton for a while.
8. Where did you grow up & can you describe your family life?
*I grew up in the St. Sauveur region, just north of Montreal in Canada. My parents were very loving and we were close but then my dad passed away when I was ten and we moved closer to the city. My mom remarried and my step-dad became my father figure. They have a cottage in the Magog area and I go there every chance I get.
9. What other passions do you possess besides cooking?
*Hockey...I also enjoy skiing, working out, listening to music, playing with my dog and riding around in my scooter.
10. Are there any political or social issues you feel passionately about?
*Troubled teens, homeless kids...organizations like "Dans la Rue" touch me profoundly and I try to help out when I can.
11. Any favorite movie or actor you would like to mention?
*Yes, I love the movie "Goodfellas" and my favorite scene is the jail scene. Here are a bunch of mobsters waiting to go on trial and what are they up to...they are cooking. They are cutting garlic and making sauce. To a chef like me that is a classical moment! You gotta love Italian food; it is so simple and made with lots of Amore!
12. What do you most enjoy about starring in your own culinary TV show, namely "Chuck's Day Off"?
*It is really simple, I get to do what I love most: cook! The only difference is that I now do it for an audience and it is on a much bigger scale.
***Well, thank-you Chuck for taking the time on your day off to talk to us, HollywoodvsReality, and we will surely tune into your show on Food Network Canada and on the Cooking Channel in the U.S.
***Thank-you Cristina Mucciardi from Cook and Date, anyone interested in attending a culinary event should check out their website @ cookanddate.com
Friday, January 7, 2011
Date No.1 - Mr. Foot Fetish
Here I was, new to the whole dating scene after having been married for 5 years and been with this person for about a decade in total...stepping back out into the wild, wild west dating world in my 30's was somewhat challenging to say the least...
Date 1: Can I please see your toes?
He looked nice enough. I started exprimenting with the internet dating phenomenon. I figured...hey you never know. We had seen eachother's pics and he was cute! We decided to meet at a cafe on a Friday night.
I was so afraid that he would turn out to be an axe-murderer that I phoned my friend Catherine and explained to her my dilemma...it went something like this..."Cat I am freaking out...if I die tonight I would like to tell you that I love you alot and....if he murders me I will be at this cafe, at this time and he sort of looks like this...." You could say I was sort of afraid of dating a stranger that I had only formerly met through a home electronic device.
I entered the cafe and quickly looked around...hmmm could it be that guy alone in the corner? No, not quite...well the teenager to the left is kinda' too young. Oh there he was...so I went up to him...
We ordered our coffees at the cashier counter and I must inform you right here and now that Mr. Fetish was cheap for he made me pay my own coffee...strike one right there! Gentlemen, I know it's the 21st century and women's lib and all but if you cannot pay a woman a coffee on one date then well....you will be branded a CHEAPO.
Next, we sat down and talked about our careers, our lives...all of that humdrum stuff...divorce...yada yada yada...and the date was going well 'til....Mr. Fetish made this statement: "I must tell you that I have a foot fetish and since you are cute, I would very much like to see your toes to see if they are cute and lickable as well".
I suddenly felt like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz, "Toto, we are not in Kansas anymore..."
Well, I was shocked....by chance I had gone to get a pedicure that very same day...and hell yes my feet are adorable! Although I do believe that feet are actually disgusting. How can people even remotely possess a fetish on that part of the body that we are constantly walking on and...come on folks, feet SMELL!
It was winter and I, Erika had my boots on. I hesitated and although I was shocked, I do possess an extremely evolved sense of humor and can be gutsy. "Okay", I told him, "I will discretely unzip my boot, take out my sock and slide my leg over yours so that you can see how adorable my toes are for yourself". Well, needless to say he agreed to the whole thing...he was actually quite aroused by the whole idea! Oh brother....
As I slid my leg onto his and he checked my toes under the cafe table....did I mention we were in a public place? Just wondering if that fact was crystal clear in your mind! Mr. Fetish announced that my toes were indeed lickable....yup he decided this was a match made in heaven. So, what do you suppose Ms. Erika did at that point?
I kindly put my boot back on, stood up and announced: "Yes these toes are spectacular, too bad you will never get to lick them!" Doesn't this whole scene kind of remind you of Seinfeld? I am referring to that scene with Terry Hatcher...except she was referring to her other spectacular body parts...her boobs...
In a flash I was out of there...thinking to myself: "Welcome to the new era of dating...the world just went and got stupid" !
Date 1: Can I please see your toes?
He looked nice enough. I started exprimenting with the internet dating phenomenon. I figured...hey you never know. We had seen eachother's pics and he was cute! We decided to meet at a cafe on a Friday night.
I was so afraid that he would turn out to be an axe-murderer that I phoned my friend Catherine and explained to her my dilemma...it went something like this..."Cat I am freaking out...if I die tonight I would like to tell you that I love you alot and....if he murders me I will be at this cafe, at this time and he sort of looks like this...." You could say I was sort of afraid of dating a stranger that I had only formerly met through a home electronic device.
I entered the cafe and quickly looked around...hmmm could it be that guy alone in the corner? No, not quite...well the teenager to the left is kinda' too young. Oh there he was...so I went up to him...
We ordered our coffees at the cashier counter and I must inform you right here and now that Mr. Fetish was cheap for he made me pay my own coffee...strike one right there! Gentlemen, I know it's the 21st century and women's lib and all but if you cannot pay a woman a coffee on one date then well....you will be branded a CHEAPO.
Next, we sat down and talked about our careers, our lives...all of that humdrum stuff...divorce...yada yada yada...and the date was going well 'til....Mr. Fetish made this statement: "I must tell you that I have a foot fetish and since you are cute, I would very much like to see your toes to see if they are cute and lickable as well".
I suddenly felt like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz, "Toto, we are not in Kansas anymore..."
Well, I was shocked....by chance I had gone to get a pedicure that very same day...and hell yes my feet are adorable! Although I do believe that feet are actually disgusting. How can people even remotely possess a fetish on that part of the body that we are constantly walking on and...come on folks, feet SMELL!
It was winter and I, Erika had my boots on. I hesitated and although I was shocked, I do possess an extremely evolved sense of humor and can be gutsy. "Okay", I told him, "I will discretely unzip my boot, take out my sock and slide my leg over yours so that you can see how adorable my toes are for yourself". Well, needless to say he agreed to the whole thing...he was actually quite aroused by the whole idea! Oh brother....
As I slid my leg onto his and he checked my toes under the cafe table....did I mention we were in a public place? Just wondering if that fact was crystal clear in your mind! Mr. Fetish announced that my toes were indeed lickable....yup he decided this was a match made in heaven. So, what do you suppose Ms. Erika did at that point?
I kindly put my boot back on, stood up and announced: "Yes these toes are spectacular, too bad you will never get to lick them!" Doesn't this whole scene kind of remind you of Seinfeld? I am referring to that scene with Terry Hatcher...except she was referring to her other spectacular body parts...her boobs...
In a flash I was out of there...thinking to myself: "Welcome to the new era of dating...the world just went and got stupid" !
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